When stepping into threesome waters, your top priority is for everybody to have fun. However, don’t forget to keep in mind that everyone also has to be safe.
Some general safe sex rules also apply to threesomes – be sure to follow them to create an environment where everyone feels safe:
- Talk freely about your sexual histories with both of your potential partners.
- Having a threesome when under the influence of drugs or alcohol is a bad idea.
- Get tested, all three of you, before moving on to intercourse.
Along with the safe sex factor, which everyone is familiar with, there is also the other side of keeping your favorite pastime safe – mental health. Using condoms and other kinds of protection is important, yes, but it’s just as useful to be certain that all the people involved are in a safe environment and are feeling comfortable.
We’ve put together nine things you can do in a threesome to keep it safe, both physically and mentally.
1. Use Condoms
It can’t be stressed enough how important it is to keep condoms nearby when a threesome is going on – and keep a lot of them there.
There is no excuse for not using protection, no matter how much you dislike condoms, especially when switching between sexual partners within a matter of seconds.
On that notice, it’s also recommended to switch the condoms whenever you are switching partners. You may think those additional thirty seconds will drag you down, but reducing the risk of getting an STD beats a slight decline on your vibe.
STDs are scary enough on their own, and if you aren’t thinking of protecting yourself for any reason, think about protecting your partners. They don’t deserve to catch something just because you don’t like the way sex feels with condoms.
Let’s not forget the other reason condoms are a must – birth control. Do you know what’s scarier than an unplanned pregnancy? The answer is, of course, two unplanned pregnancies. To avoid a situation like that, and all the complications it might lead to, use a condom.
2. Discuss It Beforehand
Setting up boundaries is a great way to avoid hurt feelings. Talking about what all of you are okay with goes a long way in making sure nobody feels pressured or left out. It’s the best way to create a safe space where everyone can have fun.
To avoid any unwanted surprises or awkward situations, have a conversation about your turn-ons, turn-offs, and stuff that’s off the table. You don’t want to go in blind and have someone stuck in a situation they did not sign up for.
Discussing with your partners in this manner also gives you insight into their likes and dislikes, which is the safest way to ensure everyone’s having a good time.
This doesn’t just apply to before the act, but also after. Check-in with them, see if they had fun, tell them that you did. Adopt the principle that the BDSM community calls aftercare, as it isn’t reserved for those kinds of relationships only, and can improve your sex life even outside of threesomes.
3. Lube Can’t Hurt
Using lube is a great idea even outside of a threesome, but in one, it’s a necessity. Keep some lube handy, and it will most likely be brought into play.
To avoid any possible allergic reactions, use a water-based lubricant. Not only is it alright to use with almost anyone, but also with anything, including condoms and silicone-based toys you might be using.
The application of lube is quite simple – the wetter, the better. Feel free to apply gratuitous amounts anywhere it’s needed. According to one study, almost 70 percent of the women surveyed said that sex was more pleasurable for them when using a lubricant of some sort.
If you are thinking about partaking in anal sex, you should know that it’s practically impossible without using some sort of lube. So, if you feel like going down that rabbit hole with a couple of people there with you – get yourself lubed up.
4. Protect the Toys
If you are going to be using toys (I don’t know why you wouldn’t), you have to keep in mind that even they have to be safe. Of course, properly cleaned, but that isn’t all.
When a sex toy is going to be handed over to the next person, perhaps even multiple times, swap the condoms that are on it. Same principle as when you’re changing partners – no using the same condom for more people.
That also applies when you are going from anal to vaginal penetration, or vice-versa.
Combine toys and lube for the ultimate helping hand. It will guarantee a blast for everybody and cut down on the possibility of someone feeling left out, which is the worst thing that can happen to you in a threesome.
Whether you’ll be using a dildo, strap-on, buttplugs, or whatever else comes to your mind, remember to keep it safe and keep it fun.
5. Safewords
Another fantastic idea we can borrow from the BDSM community. A safeword is a previously agreed upon phrase that anyone can say at any time to let the others know they want to stop or are feeling uncomfortable with what’s happening.
Agree on a safeword before the threesome, and be positive that all of you know what it is. If you hear it, stop whatever you are doing. It might not be directed at you, but better be safe than sorry.
A safeword can be practically anything, as long as all of you know what it is. However, it is recommended to pick a word, or a phrase that sticks out with its pronunciation or at least is silly enough, so you simply have to recognize it.
It’s highly recommended that you find a safeword and stick to it, especially if you’ve agreed on some of the more kinky or rough stuff with your partners. If you ever start feeling dizzy or lightheaded, or if your body cannot handle any more of what’s happening, don’t think twice on using the safeword – that’s why it exists.
6. Know Your Limits
If at any point things start going in a direction you are not a hundred percent on, or you start feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to express your feelings. Being in a threesome can be overbearing sometimes, and your senses can get overloaded. It’s perfectly normal to get this kind of feeling, don’t hold it in.Any situation like this that is overlooked or pushed down can dissuade you from trying out something like a threesome again. Feel free to take a moment to recuperate and think about what you really want.
You should, of course, be open to trying new things or stepping out of your comfort zone for a little bit, but if you aren’t comfortable with a proposition, say so. Don’t endure an activity you don’t want to participate in, which will only lead to future insecurities.
Keep in mind that this could happen to other people as well, so be aware of your surroundings, and if you notice that someone seems to be under the weather or not comfortable with proceeding, talk to them about it, and reassure them it’s okay.
7. Start Slow
You can’t always go in guns blazing; sometimes it takes time for everybody to relax and get properly turned on before starting. If you try to skip the foreplay, it might ruin the fun for all of you.
Set the mood first. Dimmed lights and background music can only help in getting you where you want to go.
Pay attention to your partners, this might be their first venture into sex with multiple partners, and it might take some time to relax and ease into the flow. In this instance, it’s recommended you take it slow, talk to them first, and progress at their own pace.
Starting at an easier rate will also give you more time to accommodate the group and figure out what is your tempo together. Knowing what works for everybody before starting will only serve to improve the thing you have going on.
There is only one way to find out, though, so feel free to experiment, try out something you’ve always wanted to try, or follow up on that idea you just had – just make sure it’s within the set boundaries and that all of you are comfortable with going through on it.
8. Fetishes
Fetishes can be kinky and fun, but they aren’t always to be taken lightly. You have to understand that a fetish can range from lingerie to a full-on BDSM experience. Whatever floats your boat is fine, but make sure that everyone is on board for what you have in mind beforehand.
BDSM can, in certain situations, be dangerous and requires precaution. Tell them if you are a Dominant or a Submissive, what you like doing, and what you like being done to you. And above all else, don’t just spring it out of nowhere in the middle of the act.
Spanking may seem abnormally hot to you, but it could seriously hurt someone’s feelings if it’s not discussed and agreed upon.
If someone has a particular fetish, talk about it, and think about the best way to weave it into the narrative so that everyone can enjoy themselves.
Bondage is one of the most popular fetishes out there, but it just isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. If you find that special someone that’s into the same stuff as you are, congratulations. Just don’t worry if your specific fetish isn’t shared. Explain it to the others, and maybe they will be willing to give it a go and even enjoy the experience.
9. Roleplay
Roleplay is a specific kind of kink, and it all depends on the participant’s imagination. Of course, to make sure everyone is on the up and up about the subject, discuss the idea before engaging in sexual activities.
The range of scenarios is endless, so talk about a specific one you would like to participate in and make the decision together. Is it going to be a professor disciplining some schoolgirls? Maybe it’s a couple of friends getting pulled over by a sexy cop who is willing to let them go in charge for a favor?
Whatever the idea in your head is, think about how it will play out, and determine how immersed you’ll be. Be vocal about your ideas, and make sure that you will be enjoying your little trip to fantasyland.
Using a safeword in roleplay is also a very viable option, as people can get carried away when pretending to be someone else.
In Conclusion
Only you know what suits your mind best to have a fun and safe threesome experience and share those ideas, kinks, fetishes, or turn-ons in a safe environment. Discuss them and conclude together what is going to be happening and at what tempo.
If you want to spice things up with toys, or a bit of roleplaying, maybe some bondage, that’s perfectly fine – as long as all the parties included know what’s going on and agree with it.
Above all else – use protection. You won’t be able to relax and enjoy yourself if the constant threat of STDs and unplanned pregnancies hangs above your head. Condoms are your friends, so always keep them around.