Before we get into anything, it’s important to note that bondage is more popular these days than ever. Not only are there more people that are willing to try it out or actively participating in bondage but there is also more information and equipment available than ever before.
From the depths of fetish clubs into the bedroom, the story of bondage has been going on for centuries. The historical importance of bondage in the bedroom is massive, but that’s probably not what you’re here for. You’re not here for the spiel – you’re here to have fun.
If you’re reading this article, chances are you’re relatively new to the exciting and rewarding world of bondage. You have a lot to learn, so make sure to take notes. Below, we’ll talk about bondage, explore it briefly, as well as outline some of the most common mistakes that people who are new to bondage tend to make.
What is Bondage?
No one likes the theory, but before we get into the meat, it’s important to know what bondage is. People have been tying up other people for ages, and not just to restrict their movement – but for release, pleasure, and a new way to express themselves.
From tying hands up to full body ties – bondage has come a long way, and a lot of people trace its roots to the Japanese Rope Bondage known as Shibari – which is the predecessor to modern bondage and is still widely practiced around the world.
Is Bondage a Fetish or a Kink?
Bondage is both a fetish and a kink – as it can be practiced in a sexual and nonsexual manner alike. An important thing to note about bondage is that it doesn’t merely have to be an isolated act between two people, nor does it have to be a relationship-specific thing.
There are bondage clubs all over the place and specialized bondage matchmaking apps, forums, and all kinds of things that connect two people who want to try out bondage.
Is Bondage Dangerous?
Bondage is completely harmless as long as you know what you’re doing and as long as you practice it right. Bondage can be very dangerous and even life-threatening if you’re way over your head and can even cause serious bodily harm if you practice it in an improper fashion.
It’s imperative to know what you’re doing before you start tying someone up because if you don’t, you can wind up causing some serious damage.
Bondage or BDSM | What Are the Differences?
To put it plain and simple, Bondage is just one part of BDSM (Bondage, Dominance, and Sado-Masochism). BDSM falls more within the guise of fetishism, while Bondage can be considered both a fetish and a kink.
Bondage in itself doesn’t have to include any part of a submissive/dominant relationship, nor a sadomasochistic one – bondage can be practiced for bondage on its own. In BDSM, bondage is usually practiced as just one of the many things that go on in a sub/dom relationship and is usually accompanied by other things such as orgasm control, humiliation, flogging, and many, many more.
How Does One Get Into Bondage?
Getting into bondage has never been easier than today. The stigma around fetish culture, especially that of BDSM, has dissipated, allowing for things such as bondage to come to the light that they deserve. Not only is the internet thriving with useful information about bondage, but there are also special clubs, apps, books, forums, and all kinds of things that can help ease your way into the exciting and restrictive world of bondage.
Top 10 Mistakes People Make With Bondage
Now, if you’re looking to get into bondage, the first thing that you’ll need to do is survey the many mistakes that people make when trying it out for the first time. Remember, learning from mistakes is the best way to learn, but no one says they have to be your mistakes.
Per that statement, here are ten of the most common mistakes that beginners make when they try and get into bondage.
1. Poor Preparation
One of the things that people completely forget about bondage is the preparation for the act itself. When you’re making love, you don’t jump into it – you ease into it, and it’s the same thing with bondage. If you’re a first-timer, or if your partner is a first-timer, this step is that much more important.
You’ll need to ease into it, start small and build up from there. Prepare for the act accordingly, have all of the equipment ready, and make sure that both you and your partner are in the right “mood” for such a deed.
Preparation makes perfect, and as long as you take care of all the minute details before you get in on the action, the whole experience is going to feel that much better and more natural for everyone involved.
2. Tying Too Tight
Bondage is all about restriction, right? The more restrictive it is, the better? This is the general idea that a lot of people have about bondage, and it’s one of the most dangerous mistakes that you can make. Tying the binds too tight is not only a major health hazard, but it’s by far the fastest way to turn someone away from bondage.
The restriction doesn’t necessarily mean tying anything too tight; it means restricting movement, not blood flow. So whenever you’re tying someone up or getting tied up, make sure to strike the sweet spot when it comes to tightness.
Too tight is dangerous but too loose is non-restrictive, so test it out and make sure to listen to your partner. If you think that it might be a little too tight, it’s likely too tight – loosen it.
3. Being Too Ambitious
When you mention bondage to someone, no one thinks of tying someone’s hands to the bed frame. The first image that pops into your head is of a person hanging from a hook on the ceiling in a full body bind, tied in such a manner that it could be considered a piece of art rather than an act committed out of passion.
Now, while this is most definitely an achievable goal, it’s also reserved for more experienced people. The better you get at bondage, and the more you practice with your partner, the better and more elaborate binds you’re going to have.
If you’re a beginner, trying out things that are way out of your league isn’t only going to leave you with a messy bind – in the end, it might be a major health hazard that can result in a not-so-passionate hospital visit.
4. Not Having a Safeword
A safeword is the basis of anything that involves any fetish or kink. A safeword is a word that, when uttered, means that everything you’re doing needs to stop immediately. It’s especially important in things such as deep fetish, BDSM, and even bondage.
Now, a safeword is usually something that has nothing to do with the current situation. “No” isn’t necessarily a good safe word, as while someone might say no, they might not mean it, and if you drop what you’re doing, you’re running the connection and the act itself – which is why a good safe word is something random.
By surveying fetish communities, we’ve concluded that the word “pickle” is one of the most popular safe words out there. Make sure to find your own safe word with your partner before you get in on the act.
5. Lack of Communication
When it comes to sex, fetishism, or kinks, nothing can ruin the mood or the entire relationship quite as quickly as lack of communication, even in casual dating. When bondage is concerned, you’ll want to know just how far your partner is willing to go, and you’ll need to find out all about their personal preferences, needs, and wants way before you get to the act itself.
Bondage should be a pleasurable experience for both parties, which means that everyone involved will need to know the limits, needs, and wants of each other to ensure that everything is satisfactory. The only way to find out is to talk about it, so don’t be shy and strike up a conversation – asking is better than apologizing.
6. Going Too Fast
Bondage is a kink or a fetish. It’s an act that should make everyone involved overflow with as much passion and joy as possible. In essence, bondage is not something that you want to speedrun in any way.
Take as much time as you need creating binds, and if you’re on the receiving end, take as much time enjoying the binding process itself. Shibari and bondage are all about the binding itself, and while some truly shine through when bound, binding is a major epoche of the entire thing – so take your sweet time with it.
Another reason you should take as much time as possible with the binding itself is to prevent you from making any mistakes that could lead to discomfort or even injury when the person is bound.
7. Not Doing Your Homework
Homework is boring, but it’s necessary. If you’re starting out with bondage, you’ll want to do as much research as possible before you even touch the rope. The internet is chock full of information about BDSM, bondage, and all kinds of things – this article is a great representation of that.
However, what we don’t mention in this article is how to actually bind someone. Binding people is very complex, and while things such as arm binding and hogties might be relatively easy, the deeper you go down the rabbit hole, the more complex things tend to get.
So, start slow, and start on a small scale – if you and your partner both enjoy it, you can easily move to more complex things as you get better at bondage.
8. Using the Wrong Rope
The first mistake people make when binding someone is using the improper rope. The rope meant for bondage is far softer, more forgiving, and elastic than the regular rope used to bind objects. Binding people should be restrictive, not forced – which is why you’ll need to purchase special rope for it.
Bondage rope is sold all over the internet – you can find it at your favorite eCommerce store or the local sex shop. Don’t use general-purpose rope for binding people because it’s uncomfortable and can be very dangerous.
9. Suspension Problems
A huge portion of bondage is suspension. Suspending someone from the ceiling or any platform is a sight to behold. With that being said, the suspension is not suitable for beginners, not by a long shot.
Suspending someone takes a lot of practice and is hard to achieve even for shibari masters and people who’ve been in bondage for ages. Before you try and suspend anyone from anything, make sure to practice as much as possible and find out whether your partner is comfortable with suspension.
Tying someone up and hoisting their body is the least of your worries – make sure that they’re both comfortable and that when hoisted, none of their blood flow is restricted, and that they’re enjoying their bind as much as possible.
10. Improper Aftercare
Fetishes and kinks that involve binding, restriction, or ‘rough stuff’ usually require aftercare, which many first-timers tend to forget about. Remember, you’re not binding livestock – you’re binding your partner, and the chances are that after the first few times, they’ll require intensive aftercare.
Depending on who you’re dining with, their prior experience with bondage, and the dynamic you have going on, the amount of aftercare will be different – but there will always need to be at least some aftercare involved.
In Conclusion
Bondage is not your everyday run-of-the-mill one-off kink – it’s something that both you and your partner need to be comfortable with and that both parties have to be acquainted with. It’s like learning to ride a bike – the more you practice, the better you get.
Just remember the safety rules and the most common mistakes to avoid, and we’re sure that your first bondage experience will go swimmingly.