So, you’ve found yourself in a threesome? Maybe you and your partner decided it is a turn-on for both of you and decided to act on the deal after talking about it. Maybe you are a Unicorn, that mythical creature couples seek out to try new things in their relationship. Perhaps you are just a very lucky bachelor who spontaneously found himself in the bedroom with two other people, with things escalating.
Whatever the case might be, you are in for an experience, and it is up to everyone involved to make it a memorable one. Here are 9 tips on how to make that memory a good one.
1. Communicate
First and foremost, communication is key. Whether you are already in a relationship and thinking of bringing in a third person, or just stepping into a casual thing, always make sure that all the parties involved are on board for what you have planned.
According to a study published in Psychology Today, a threesome is one of the most common sexual fantasies, and just conversing about with everyone involved is the most certain way to not only fulfill what you had imagined but also improve and add to it.
That’s particularly true in the situation where you are introducing a third person into an established relationship, it is vital that all three participants know what they are getting into. Establishing boundaries is the absolute first thing on the threesome to-do list.
Be certain to communicate openly beforehand to alleviate any possibility of disrupting your standing relationships with the people involved.
2. Everyone Should Know What They’re Getting Into
There is also the matter of discussing not only the nature of what you are getting into but the pace and what all of you are comfortable with as well. You should always talk over with your partner first and be certain that you are both on the same page about wanting to bring another person to your bedroom.
There are variations to what comprises a Menage a Trois, and it’s crucial that you decide which one best suits your preferences and which are you most comfortable with.
To be more specific, these are the main options you have are:
- MMFT (Male-Male-Female Threesome)
- FFMT (Female-Female-Male Threesome)
- MMMT (All Male Threesome)
- FFFT (All Female Threesome)
- GFT (Gender-Fluid Threesome)
Whichever one you decide on, or are invited to, always lay down some ground rules and listen to what everyone has to say. You don’t want to end up putting someone in an awkward situation.
If you are stepping in as the Unicorn, or the third person in, be aware that sometimes you have a view on the relationship that the couple might not, so try and get a feel if they are both comfortable with you joining in on their sex life.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Explore Your Views
Stepping into new territory, alone, or with your partner can be scary. Don’t hesitate to express your concerns and questions you might have, and be sure to have an open mind.
For some guys stepping into a threesome might be the first time encountering another guy in the bedroom, or the first time encountering a girl or a non-binary person in the same situation. If that is the case, think it over beforehand, and be certain that both you and the others are comfortable with that.
You must also understand that selfishness in a group effort can’t fly. You can’t just expect to lay back and enjoy yourself. An experience like this one is best had if all of you are active and keep not only your own satisfaction in mind but that of everyone involved.
Be prepared to try out some new things and sensations and to learn what’s the finest way to function as a part of a group. After all, everybody should have the same goal in mind – bringing satisfaction and joy.
4. Go on a Date, All of You
Going out for a drink, or perhaps a meal with the people that are a part of this is a great idea. Just being able to relax, get to know each other a little better, and generally enjoy the company can help in a lot of ways.
Of course, don’t go overboard with it, as drunk sex is hard enough when there are only two people involved, and a third one might just be a little too much. There’s a whole other aspect of it that you might not have the capacity to comprehend in an inebriated state. A droplet of courage will do fine, but a barrel might drown you.
Other than the actual drinks, spending some time together outside of the bedroom is a great way to relieve any tension that might exist between you.
There is a sense of comfort in knowing that you can have a good time with the people you are about to engage in sexual activities, even when just going out for a cup of coffee down the street.
A night out might also be a convenient time to deliberate and speak about boundaries, wishes, and fantasies, which can greatly improve the end result.
5. Practice Safe Sex
It goes without saying, but it never hurts to be heard, safe sex is paramount. Go over this with the parties included, and validate that you are all in agreement when it comes to this subject. Not worrying about catching something helps every sexual encounter, threesomes included.
Using different condoms during all this sounds like a hassle, but it doesn’t make it any less of a good idea. The no-drinking rule applies here as well; it is much easier to condone safe sex when sober.
6. Everyone Participates!
When placed in a situation such as this, it is important to understand you are not at the center of it. You don’t want to have someone feeling like they sat out the big game on the bench. Be positive that all of you are having fun, even just a helping hand can make a world of difference to the overall state of affairs.
Sex can get very complex when multiple people are participating, even more so when they don’t express their needs. Feel free to convey what you would like, and encourage the others to do so as well.
You shouldn’t engage in a threesome to get it off of your bucket list, and then wait for things to happen around you. Engagee, listen to the other participants, and make that checkmark a memorable one.
Do not feel bad about introducing a toy to the mix, just to be on the safe side of things. It will significantly reduce the chances of someone feeling like a voyeur for the entire time.
A toy will also increase the number of possible goings-on that you can partake in.
7. Don’t get Weirded Out
Good sex can’t get messy, but a good threesome will. Be prepared to have all your senses preoccupied to the point where you aren’t quite sure what’s happening or whose hand is on the small of your back.
You can end up with bodily fluids on you, and you definitely will end up with an array of strange but uncannily attractive sights, smells, movements, and sensations. Embrace the weirdness, with the sweating and the unexplained noises, and you will have subscribed yourself to a true adventure of the senses.
A threesome is also an amazing way for you, and the company included, to explore things you haven’t tried before. Of course, within set limitations, but having that third person might be what you needed to start exploring your sexuality a bit further.
You might see or experience some things you didn’t expect delving into this venture, but you will come out of it with a smile and a wish to repeat the entire hot mess you just stumbled through.
Your companions might also come to the idea to try out new things, and to that, you should always keep an open mind, and try to the best of your ability to participate in their fantasy. In the end, you may even enjoy their vision more than you expected. And what’s better than the realization that you not only found out something new about yourself but also helped another human do the same?
8. It’s Okay to Take a Break If You Aren’t Feeling It
It might happen that you or another person there just aren’t feeling it at the moment, and there is no shame in that. The accent here is really on creating a safe environment where everyone knows that it is all right to back out if it turns out they are not liking what’s happening.
A safeword is a tried and tested method of establishing such a dynamic, but even without one, it’s great to pay attention to how others are reacting, and if maybe they are having second thoughts. It’s completely normal for some to feel out of place, or just not up to the task, and if that is the case, you try to be understanding and empathetic.
There are known cases of men having trouble performing under pressure when push comes to shove, especially if they are feeling self-conscious about satisfying multiple partners. It’s okay to feel sometimes overwhelmed, just don’t let it get in your head.
The key here is once again – communication. If you are not feeling up to the task, talk about it, you might be persuaded to change your mind, or get a self-confidence boost from your partners.
9. Don’t Kiss and Tell
It’s a tale as old as time, but in this instance, with double the burden on it. Don’t go ruining a perfectly good threesome by feeling the urge to tell everybody you know the details.
Some people like their private lives to be, well, private. You have no place imposing on that, and invading their personal space just because you have a big mouth.
Keep it to yourself, especially if your companions are in a relationship, as the word getting out might destabilize their life. Truly, a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, and a gentleman that has been in a threesome keeps his mouth shut, and the bragging vague.
10. Practice Appropriate Aftercare
Aftercare is not reserved for BDSM relationships only, and sometimes in threesomes, it’s just as important to understand someone’s feelings after the act, as it is while you’re having fun.
You have to make sure your partners are feeling satisfied and happy. It’s even more complicated with the three of you there, and in that sense, aftercare is a good way to get rid of any misunderstandings. What you want to avoid is any semblance of jealousy or the feeling of being used. Just telling them that you had fun, and asking if they did can change someone’s perspective on what transpired.
The most important thing is to know why you are indulging in this.
If you are doing it to fix your relationship, there is only one piece of advice. Don’t.
However, if you set out on this journey with the goal to share an experience with two other people, and learn something about yourself from it – go for it!
To wrap it all up, if you are communicative, honest, and open to new things, a threesome will be a blast for you and anyone around you. Whether it be pure hedonism, polyamory, or a reason only known to you, if you are ready to focus on others as much as on yourself, it’s guaranteed that all three of you will walk away satisfied.